Entwine! You came at the right time.

It was last Tuesday early afternoon, and my fiance says he needs my help scouting out a dive bar for a movie he is working on.  He tells me…  ”It can’t be a recognizable dive bar, it has to be a bar no one will find common place.”  I grab the Cannon, put on my best walking shoes, and jump in the car.  We drive around the city, but hardly any bars are open.  ”What goes on in this town?”  I ask.  ”What time do bars open? It’s already 1:30p.m.”  We continue driving and as the afternoon ripens we come across three or four bars, but nothing dive-y enough.  Each time I get off the car, walk into the watering hole and spill the same mumbo jumbo about scouting for a film and wanting to snap a few pictures to see if the director would be interested, if so someone will return with a contract and go over pricing.  Most people are not phased by this info, others act as if a golden egg has just hatched before their eyes.  Then we find a little bar on a main street on the cusp of East Los Angeles and Montebello.  I walk in and there is NO ONE to be found.  No one sitting in the dive nor standing behind the bar tending to it.  I say out loud in the nicest voice I can find inside my throat “Hello.”  No response.  I then say “Hi.” Nothing.  I keep looking around.  All the chairs are dressed in plastic.  There are black and white framed photos of Ricky Ricardo, and Vicente Fernandez adorning the walls along with a huge gold fake Rolex watch that serves as a clock.  There are pink artificial flowers in vases that have not been dusted in years.  It looks like a grandma’s tacky living room that has been frozen in time from the 50′s or 60′s.  In my mind I’m doing somersaults thinking this could work.  Then at the back of the room I notice a long rectangular window with a little puff of white floating across it.  I walk towards the window to get a better look.  Standing on my tippy toes with my neck reaching to the ceiling, I peak in.  What I see I can’t believe.  I observe a tiny, fragile, little OLD lady barley able to move.  In my head I calculate she is in her late 80′s maybe early 90′s.  My heart breaks, thinking who ever left this lady here to man the bar is a for sure CREEP!  I now start giving my greetings in Spanish, thinking maybe she didn’t understand my arrival announcement in English, or worse yet she can’t hear.  I start thinking how am I going to explain to this lady that I am scouting for a film.  As I’m dreading the conversation….. she starts to make her way from the back.  Moving at a pace slower then any snail, she thinks about the next position of her footing as she holds on to the wall and all along never makes eye contact with me.  I say hello again…. she doesn’t acknowledge I’m there.  I figured she was blind and deaf.  Then she starts to pass where I’m standing and turns around in a swift motion and just SLUGS me with all her might right in the chest!  I never saw it coming.  I got so sad and upset at the same time.  Nothing like this had ever happened to me.

A.) I can’t hit her back she is a tiny little lady.

B.) She’s crazy or drunk or both.

C.) I did nothing to provoke getting punched.

I immediately start yelling in a high half crying pitch “Why are you hitting me?”  As I’m waving my arms trying to block the next swing.  She has me trapped and is relentless. Then by the grace of my youth I see a little window of opportunity to make a run for the door.  I zoom out of there only to hear her footsteps following on my trail.  I look back and she is running after me and she’s not slow anymore.  She stops at the door of the bar and is screaming all sorts of obscenities to me in Spanish that are the equivalent to “get the f@^* out of here you good for nothing broad.”  I dive into the car (no pun intended) and am horrified.  Wow!  What the hell just happened?  It took a minute or two to register as I replayed the whole thing in my mind again and as it was sinking in all I could do was shake my head thinking “Pinche vieja loca.”  I told the guy I live with I was not happy and I was not going to scout anymore, even if it was the middle of the afternoon.

As we arrive home I’m still shaken up from the hell I had just been through when lo and behold a box of wine is sitting  there on my door step waiting for me.  It was a sign from the wine gods that it would be best if I opened that box and enjoyed a glass right then and there.  Entwine was the name on the bottle.  I popped it open and poured a cup of merlot. As I sat on my porch staring at the vessel I noticed it had a list of food pairings on the back.  Perfect.  Another way for me to shut off my brain and  just let the bottle do all the work.  Thank you Food Network and Wente Vineyards for joining forces to make life easy with your new wine.  It surely saved my afternoon last Tuesday.

No compensation was received for this post. I was provided with a sample of  Entwine’s merlot for my review. The story and opinions are my own.

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12 Responses to Entwine! You came at the right time.

  1. OMG!!! Pinche viejita loca, is right!!! LOL I’m just glad you were able to get out of there. So glad you had such a nice treat waiting for you at home! :)

  2. Oh wow! That’s crazy…That bottle of wine absolutely arrived right on time!

  3. you should had beat her up! Just kidding, you did the right thing! :)

  4. Monique says:

    OH NO!! That sucks!! Crazy lady!! I hope you’re OK and I hope I have a mean punch like that when I get older. LOL Hope you’re feeling better!!

  5. Morena says:

    What a scary story!!!! I was once hit by and old woman in the middle of a park in Barcelona. She hit me with a huge trash bag, and started screaming at me, and the weirdest part is that I was with my whole family, but she was only interested in me! Im glad youre ok, and your afternoon ended in such a nice relaxing way.

  6. Monica says:

    Maybe she didn’t like the way you were eying Ricky y Vicente. You should have taken her picture as she was attacking you…

    Vieja loca!

  7. WTH! This is so crazy and funny! Probably not funny for you but makes for a great story. (LOL!) Vieja loca for real. Maybe she thought you were trying to rob them?

    She still has some spunk in her old age!

  8. Pat Martinez says:

    Hi Presley’s Pantry, I am sorry Manuels Grandma Angela hit you! Yes she is old 95 to be exact and yes she is a little blind and deaf but of course won’t admit it. She is the owner of El Torito Cafe in East La bordering Montebello and yes it is a dive hole in the wall bar. She will not close it down or let anyone else run it for her. As for no customers she has a few regulars who all know not to get her mad or you get hit. She is not crazy just old and senile. She has chased many people away this way and has even been robbed and beaten but she never gives up she stands her ground and opens that bar everyday from 11 am till she can’t stay awake anymore. Believe me we are surprised at all she’s done to keep that bar open. We’ve tried many times to have her close it down but will not not until she dies is what she says. We are sorry you were hit and if your still interested in filming there let Manuel know and maybe he can talk to her if lol she doesn’t kick him out too. LMAO.

  9. vianney says:

    OMG!! How freaky scary!! glad your okay, man I would have downed that bottle in sheer fear!!

  10. Uchi says:

    hehe! you made my day, LOL ! que vieja loca !

  11. claudia says:

    Nicole, the most interesting thing happen to me last night. I was walking down my street to grab a bite and as I was walking back home I walked passed by a little divy bar I’ve passed by countless times that makes me wonder,” who really goes in there?” Never been inside, although always liked starring up and admiring the old bar sign with the bull, anyhow, so as I passed the front door along the sidewalk, and in all curiosity turning my head to take a look inside I see a Tiny Old Lady taking money from a cholo and instantly thought back to when I first read this entry of yours and thought could this be the one Nicole was wrote about? I couldn’t recall if you had mentioned that this bar you had been to was in fact in Montebello or what it was called.. but something told me this had to be the bar you were referring to because that little lady sure looked like she wore the pants in that bar! Crazy to come back to your entry tonight and see it is in fact the bar from Mr. Martinez comment up above.
    What an experience you had =/ I hope the shock has subsided and that you’re doing wonderful these days.—Perhaps the little lady could take part in your film? Neyyy, she’ll steal the show! ;)

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